She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
