This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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