Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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