I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
