Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
