I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
