just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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