I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
