Pregnant stripper...not hot.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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