I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
