I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
