so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
