What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
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It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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