apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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