I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
