Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
