I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
