forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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