Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize