that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
