a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize