If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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