You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
