and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
