If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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