The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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