just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
