her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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