started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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