I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
