Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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