My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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