Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
