I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
