walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
