Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
