Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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