I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
birth control should be required to get into college
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
