come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And the cops told us we were all naked.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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