i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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