I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
