How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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