jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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