ya dads aren't the best wingmen
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
