my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
