who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
don't judge my taste in strippers
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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