Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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