who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize