Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Two words: blizzard sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
