Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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