I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
