I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Drunk is not a location!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
