so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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