Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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