dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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