It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
