Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
