I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
