He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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