Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We are two peas in an std pod
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need to sanitize my soul.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
