I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
