Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize