i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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