you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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