It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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