weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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