My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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