Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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